We are called to participate in the Divine Life. This means that God calls us to enter into the love of the Triune Persons and to radiate that love outward towards others. St. Thomas Aquinas said: “Charity makes man tend to God by uniting his affection to God in such a way that man no longer lives for himself, but for God” (ST IIa IIae, q.17, a.6, ad3). This charity is a supernatural virtue that God gives to us so that through the infusion of this gift, we can learn to love Him above all else and to love our neighbor as He loves.
Love and intimacy with God come about through a willingness on our part to enter into the communion of the Divine Persons in our daily lives. It is always God who calls us first to enter into this intimate union with Him. Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalene explains:
“It is a created participation in the charity, the infinite love with which God loves Himself, that is, the love with which the Father loves the Son, with which the Son loves the Father, and by which each loves the other in the Holy Spirit. Through charity we are called to enter into this divine current, into this circle of eternal love which unites the three Persons of the Blessed Trinity to one another…Charity plunges us into the very center of God’s intimate life; it enables us to share in the infinite love of the three divine Persons: in the intimate love of the Father for the Son, and of the Son for the Father; it enables us to love the Father and the Son in the love of the Holy Spirit.”
This invitation to enter into the love of God and the demands it
places upon us are a constant source of struggle for each one of us in our
Fallen state. In order to love God to such an extent that we are willing to
surrender our entire lives to Him, we must learn how to love as He loves. This
begins in prayer where we learn to love Him, but then He calls us outward
towards others. The clearest expression of how God loves is through Christ
Crucified on the Cross. It is this kenotic (self-emptying) love that is a
reflection of how the Three Divine Persons of the Trinity love.
How do we learn to no longer live for ourselves and to love as Christ loves?
We do so by seeking to give ourselves away, even to the point of
loving people who hurt us, betray us, reject us, and persecute us. Christ
forgave those who were crucifying Him from the Cross. That is the same love we
are called to. It is the same love that is reflected in the lives of the
saints. We are able to answer this high calling in our lives because it is God
who loved us first (1 John 4:19). It is this love that God has given to us that
leads us to be able to love others, even in our weaknesses and failings.
One of the quickest and most effective ways to learn how to love
as Christ loves is to seek to offer sacrifices, penances, mortifications, and
sufferings for the sake of those who hurt us. Not only does suffering for a
person who has hurt us teach us how to love and forgive, it also unleashes
tremendous spiritual graces in the life of the other person in a way we may
only fully realize in the next life.
This practice is not easy, especially when we experience deep
pain and betrayal at the hands of those we love the most; or on the other end
of the spectrum, those who persecute us. Oftentimes, when we are hurt or
betrayed by our spouse, parents, children, friends, priests, bishops, and
others, we would rather hold onto our righteous anger. We have a right to be
angry when people hurt us, but we can’t stay in that anger for very long or it
will begin to destroy charity within us. Anger always runs the risk of turning
into resentment and a desire for vengeance.
Anger also has a tendency to blind us, which is why when we have
been deeply hurt or betrayed by another person, we often need time to allow the
emotions within us to settle in order for reason to return. It is then that we
are able to consider how to move forward from the pain that has been caused and
seek to forgive as Christ has forgiven us for our own sins, which are numerous.
Willing the good of another
Even when a loved one hurts us, we still love them. This means
that we still desire their good. For that is what it means to love another
person. Fr. Gabriel again:
“To love a person is to desire his well-being. We understand, therefore, that the essence of love is in the act of the will by which we wish good. This does not take away from the fact that the act may often be accompanied by sensible affection, making our love both an act of the will and of the sensibility. Nevertheless, it is clear that the substance of real love is not to be found in the emotions but in the act of the will. Charity does not change our manner of loving, but penetrates it, supernaturalists it, making the will and the sensibility capable of loving God.”
To love another is to desire their good even after they have
inflicted harm upon us. Our love is not dependent upon our emotions. It is an
act of the will. Love is a choice.
As Catholics, we are called to supernatural love through which we
seek to love as God loves, which means forgiving those who hurt us and
continuing to seek their good. There are times when seeking another’s good
means making reparations for what they have done against us. This is especially
true for our loved ones who are trapped in habitual serious sins or those who
are unrepentant. Our sacrifices and prayers—despite our own personal pain—are
necessary in willing the other person’s good. God will use those sacrifices for
the sanctification of the other person and for our own sanctification.
There will come times in our lives when we must love others more
than they love us or we must love them enough to seek their salvation even if
they are indifferent or hostile towards us. I recently heard a seminarian say
that a priest told him and his fellow seminarians that: “every priest needs a
woman in his life who loves his vocation more than he does.” I was struck by
this because of God’s calling in my own life to minister to priests and
seminarians, but it also applies in all of our relationships.
There will be times when wives and husbands must seek to love the
other’s call to become a saint more than their spouse and to sacrifice for them
despite the pain that is experienced. Parents must seek to teach holiness to
their children even when they wander far from the path. Friends will often need
to love another’s immortal soul and the gift of salvation for another more than
they do. Priests must love their flock and the souls entrusted to their care
despite the indifference or hostility they may face. There may come a day when
we must seek to love someone who is persecuting us and to will their good
despite our own suffering. We are called to pour ourselves out in total
self-emptying love as Christ did on the Cross, in a manner that images the love
of the Holy Trinity.
This life is our training ground for learning to love as the Holy Trinity loves. God invites us into the love shared between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. He infuses us with the gift of charity so that we can seek to love Him above all else. Part of learning to love Him above all else is to seek to give ourselves away and to love our neighbor despite the sufferings it may cause us. It is to seek their good. The ultimate good that we can will for another is eternal life. When we love God above all else and we live for Him, then we will seek to surrender ourselves fully in love for others, including to the point of suffering in love for those who hurt us.
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Photo by Kamil Szumotalski on Unsplash
