One of the things I love most about God is how He often and purposefully allows and then guides people through disappointment and failure.
From the
time of our birth until we become adults, we must learn to survive. Everything
from learning how to add and subtract, how to trust others, and how to gain the
confidence to make important decisions.
And as we
all know, learning often takes some time – and a lot of patience. To help us
along the way in this learning process, He made us to be dependent on our
parents, on each other – and on Him.
I’m
currently enrolled in a Bible study, discovering and studying the Gospel of
Mark. I’m really enjoying the passages when Jesus instructs and teaches His
disciples. A lot of times they seem to have no clue what He’s even talking
about. But they continue to trust Him.
They
walked beside Him for a long time, yet for some of them, they didn’t seem to
learn everything they needed to know and understand until He returned to
heaven. Or even until when the Holy Spirit came down on them.
I often
think if I had been one of His disciples that definitely would have been me. I
probably would have been confused a lot. All those parables and metaphors would
have had my head spinning.
But even
though some of the disciples needed a bit of extra time to figure things out,
and sometimes failed along the way, it was ok.
Because
failure is a part of life.
It’s a
part of the process.
It’s a
part of our development.
It’s
necessary.
God allows
us to fail, so we can keep trying. So we can dust ourselves off. So we can
learn and improve. And so we can rely on Him more. Because He loves us.
And He
does all of this without keeping some scorebook that tallies and details all of
our screw-ups. He just simply wants what’s best for us. And He patiently waits
for – and helps us – to figure it out. He works it out so that when the
proverbial light bulb in our minds finally turns on, we get it.
Ok – so, after
graduating high school, I took a gap year between completing high school and
going to college. I’d like to claim I traveled Europe, wrote my first novel, or
something equally exciting. But the truth is, I just wasn’t ready to go to
college.
After an exciting
year that was filled with watching a lot of television and earning a living
selling Levi jeans at the mall, I decided it was time for me to make my way in
the world.
I went to
college and completed a degree in accounting. I’m often asked, “why
accounting?” to which I really have no answer. At least not a good answer.
Throughout
school I was terrible at math. All math. Growing up dyslexic (did I spell that
right?), I was able to train myself to read and write, but math was always just
a jumble of numbers. I’ll never forget how proud I was to pass ninth grade
Algebra with a D+. I passed it! No more numbers mixed with letters.
Nevertheless,
when it came time for me to pick a major in college, I decided on accounting. In
my mind, accountants seemed to make good money and had nice families. It made
perfect sense to me.
I actually
did pretty well, earning decent grades, but there was just one problem.
I didn’t
understand it.
After
graduating I ended up going to work for a bank in their accounting department.
My title was, “Staff Accountant.” It sounded so impressive when I told my
friends and family what I did. But there was only one problem.
I didn’t
understand it.
I would
spend each day putting together balance sheets and liability statements, hoping
that the numbers equaled.
But by all
intents and purposes, I was a failure. I had spent years learning something,
which in the end, wasn’t right for me.
My manager
even knew I was a failure, but she liked me and thought I was funny, so she
would go behind me each day and fix my errors, just so I could keep the job.
And so it
went, for over two years, I did a job that I had absolutely no business doing.
I’ll never
forget one day, sitting at my desk, a day like any other, when I heard a voice
that said, “It’s time to go, Alan.” And of course I ignored it.
But the
voice came back again a day or so later saying, “It’s time to go, Alan.”
So, I
stood up from my desk, walked over to Mr. Sheffield’s office (the man who led
the entire department) and I looked him straight in the eye and I said, “I’m
done.”
He said, “You’re
done with the balance sheet? Ok, let’s have you work on reconciling some
statements.”
“I’m done
here,” I replied back.
He looked
at me with a very puzzled look on his face and after a very long awkward pause
just said, “Ok, Alan.”
And with
that my career in accounting was over. I was a failure.
But I knew
without a doubt that God was talking to me. I just didn’t know why or what came
next.
Both Mr.
Sheffield and I agreed that I should probably just leave on the spot, versus
staying for two more weeks. So, I packed up my two years of belongings from my
desk (a coffee cup and a magazine) and got in my car to go home.
On the
drive home I started thinking about how when I was a kid, I always enjoyed
creative things. I would spend hours designing things or scribbling down short fiction
stories on paper. “Why had I not pursued my creative side?” I thought.
And it was
then, as I neared the interstate exit that I took every day to return home … I
kept driving.
Uh oh.
I drove
for another hour until I reached James Madison University.
I parked
my car and wandered aimlessly around the campus until I finally found the
admissions office. I informed them that I was there to enroll and major in, “something
creative,” and to start right away.
After
staring at me blankly for what seemed like an eternity, the admissions
counselor proceeded to explain to me that the current month was February, and
that I would need to apply, and if accepted, I would not be able to start until
the upcoming Fall semester.
I looked
at her and said, “Mm-hmm, yes you’re right, let’s do that.”
Two years
later I graduated with a degree in marketing, with multiple minors in Advertising,
Graphic Design and English.
And thankfully,
since graduating college for a second time, I have done well utilizing the
creative side of my brain.
Looking
back, when it comes to my time immersed in math and accounting, I was a
failure. Completely and utterly.
And it’s
ok. Because without experiencing the inevitable failures we endure in life, we
wouldn’t be learning lessons. We wouldn’t be growing.
God sent
us Jesus to help us navigate this world, because like sheep, we have a knack
for getting lost occasionally.
Things go
wrong that either shape us or scar us. And as it turns out, I learned a lot
more than just balancing numbers during my stint as an accountant.
A lot
more.
I’ve had
things go well in my life, and other things go not so well. Some real doozies,
just like you.
But I
decided a long time ago not to keep score, because I have learned a new way to
measure things.
God is
there for us, in both our successes and failures. And He often asks us to
consider a new way to think about things. A new perspective on something very
familiar.
I used to be afraid of failing. Always.
But now when I do fail, I try to listen for God’s voice — to show me a new perspective or to teach me something that I had not known before.
Whether it
be a job, a project, a relationship or something involving long division.
God is there waiting to teach us. Because He loves us.
✠
