Apparently, no one knows where the saying came from, but by 1840 or so variations were appearing in etiquette guides: “Never talk about religion or politics,” especially at the dinner table.
This wisdom made the leap to popular culture in 1961, when the philosopher Linus commented in a Peanuts comic strip: ““There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people — religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.” The Great Pumpkin is, of course, a faith issue for Linus.
Now, with that timeline in mind, please consider this follow-up question: Before 2016, does anyone remember reading waves of mainstream news stories near Thanksgiving built on horror stories about bitter political arguments around the extended-family holiday table? I mean, surely loved ones in the past argued about Richard Nixon, the nature of the Trinity, Bill Clinton’s private life, the quality of the modern hymn “On Eagles Wings” or other hot-button topics in religion and politics (or both)?
What happened in 2016 that suddenly made this a must-cover issue in elite newsrooms? Maybe this topic suddenly became urgent, for some reason, among journalists who had escaped heartland zip codes and found their true selves by moving to New York City and Washington, D.C.?
The New York Times published an archetypal feature of this kind the other day that ran with this dramatic double-decker headline:
Families Have Been Torn Apart by Politics. What Happens to Them Now?
Unlike 2016, when conflicts emerged over political choices, this time many are centered on the legitimacy of the result itself.
The overture follows the formula that readers have seen dozens of times in the past four years.
Tho Nguyen’s parents, who immigrated from Vietnam, were always Republican. They are Catholic and oppose abortion. Four years ago they voted for Donald Trump.
But nothing prepared Ms. Nguyen, 25, a medical student in Kansas, for how much politics would divide her family over the next four years, as her parents became increasingly passionate about the president.
In recent weeks, as the election drew nearer, Ms. Nguyen said she has had screaming fights with her parents — very unusual for her family. Her mother threatened to stop cooking if she and her sisters voted for Mr. Biden. She had to look up the word ‘brainwashed’ in Vietnamese. But when she used it to describe her parents, her father said it applied to her.
It’s interesting, of course, that Catholics (immigrants even) who oppose abortion are automatically Republicans. What is the status of their daughter’s faith? I guess that isn’t relevant.
Then, while religious issues are worthy of being mentioned in the lede, the world of “religion and politics” immediately collapses down to politics, alone, in the very next sentence. Did this family suddenly split over Trump after years of living and dining in relative peace?
This is, of course, a national problem.
The shock of Donald J. Trump’s election in 2016, just before the holiday season, tested many American families who had to confront — or avoid altogether — political disagreements over Thanksgiving dinners. Many Democrats said they were angry at family members who voted for him. Republicans rejected the notion that their votes were referendums on whether they were good people.
But four years later, for some families, those differences have mutated into something deeper — a divide over basic facts and visions for America’s future. That rift feels even harder to mend after the 2020 election, as Mr. Trump stoked conspiracy theories questioning the legitimacy of Mr. Biden’s win.
There were, of course, no conspiracy theories on the political and cultural left during the past four years or so, no issues worthy of waves of elite-media headlines about crooked elections about issues that seemed to melt away — like the 2020 Trump theories, so far — when studied through the lens of on-the-record sources and court-worthy evidence.
America’s great divide over that is true and what is false, what facts are trustworthy and what facts are “fake,” is the result of people losing their minds on the cultural right — alone. Got that? (For some nuance, journalists really need to check out the new “Democracy in Dark Times” study by the Institute for Advanced Studies in Culture, the subject of last week’s “Crossroads” podcast.)
There is a brief moment when it appears that this story might have two sides, but it vanishes quickly:
The political divisions within families, while widespread, are far from universal. Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist who specializes in estrangement, said that while he now has such cases in his practice, they are still a small share of the business, and, so far, mostly consist of millennials or other younger Americans pulling back from or cutting off their more conservative baby boomer parents.
After the lede, religion never rears its ugly head again in this Times feature. Everything is political.
After all, as your GetReligionistas have been noting for nearly two decades, politics is rooted in what is real. Religion? Not so much.
In the end, readers are left with painful parables such as this one:
Danielle Ackley of North Carolina and her mother have always been different politically. But they agreed to disagree, even after Mr. Trump’s 2016 win, which Ms. Ackley said brought her son to tears.
But during a visit last month, they got into a terrible argument over politics. Ms. Ackley, 37, said she got angry when she heard her mother criticize Mr. Biden’s character. Then it escalated. It ended with her telling her mother to leave.
“This is not even a political divide, it’s a reality divide,” said Ms. Ackley, who added that she felt even more distant after seeing her mother comment approvingly on a Facebook post questioning mail-in ballots.
For Debbie Ackley, who is 59, the experience was painful and a shock. She said she remembers staring down at her phone, trying not to cry. She left the next morning, hours earlier than she had planned, and was so upset on the drive that she worried she might crash.
She said she loved her daughter, and though she did not understand her anger, she knew it came from a good place.
“Danielle has got the biggest heart,” she said. “She’s very sensitive and very loving. She takes things to heart.”
She said she was frustrated by what she saw as a growing intolerance in the country.
“It’s scary that there’s very little tolerance and respect for other people’s views and opinions — that’s what makes me sad,” she said.
A question about Biden’s character?
What was that fight actually about? I was left wondering: Maybe this is another Catholic family?
This is all about Trump. Trends in American media culture have nothing to do with America being divided into two warring cultures. Nothing to see here. Move along. It’s time for healing and unity.
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