God has a great plan for marriage. It is a plan that is written into the very being of every human being in this world. The flourishing of the entire human race depends on our fidelity to this plan. The plan is beautiful and compelling enough to make a man “leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.”
But what is the one thing that can frustrate that plan of God for marriage? It is not the state or the culture. Jesus described the one thing that can reject the plan of God for marriage when He enlightened the Pharisees on the reason why Moses permitted divorce: “Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment” (Mk 10:2-12). Moses was so utterly helpless in the face of the hardness of the human heart that he disregarded God’s plan and allowed divorce.
A hardened heart is strong enough to reject God’s plan for it because such a heart is utterly indifferent. It does not care about the laws of God and His glory in anything, much less in marriage. It does not seek the good of any other person but itself. It is deaf to the needs and miseries of others. It can neither receive love nor give love to God and to others. Because such a heart is closed to the love of God, it is opened to the presence and actions of evil spirits who easily communicate their wickedness to the soul. This explains why many hearts today remain completely indifferent to the slaughter of unborn babies in their mothers’ wombs.
When our hearts become hardened, we cannot be faithful in any of our commitments. Because it rejects God’s loving plan, the hardened heart is in darkness and confusion; it’s abandoned to its own weaknesses. One may have an authentic Christian vocation to marriage, but the vocation is lost as the person slowly gives in to a hardened heart. This is why we must be very careful not to allow our hearts to get hardened for any reason.
These are some ways that we can avoid or even begin to rectify our hardened hearts:
1. Practice Ongoing Conversion
Our hearts slowly harden when we obstinately hold on to our self-will and ignore the will of God in our lives. Without knowing it, the many excuses that we give for our disobedience of God’s commandments slowly harden our hearts and increase our affinity for sin.
Serious ongoing conversion from sin opens our hearts again to the liberating love of God. This love of God is the only thing that can heal our hardened hearts and make them come alive again.
2. Trust More in God and Less in Ourselves
Our hearts are hardened when we place all our trust in ourselves, our abilities, gifts, or accomplishments. Our self-sufficient and self-reliant attitudes make us feel that we need God and others less. We begin to look down on others and to think ourselves indispensable. However, we become more hardened when our egos are wounded, and we become discouraged with ourselves. Our inability to rectify our hardened hearts on our own reminds us of our utter nothingness.
We must allow God to remedy our hardened hearts by placing all our trust in His grace and not in ourselves or other created things. Thus, a fervent prayer life, always open and ready to receive the graces that God offers us, becomes a great means to melt our hardened hearts. Regular reception of the sacrament of Reconciliation also gives God a chance to transform our hardened hearts.
3. Practice More Self-Denial
One of the things that make us hardened in heart is the hurts of life. We feel wounded and trampled upon by others whom we feel have treated us unjustly. Our hearts get more hardened as we hold on to our offenses and bitterness. We may even nurture thoughts of revenge. Holding on to the memories of our hurts and imagining evil things only aggravate our hardened hearts.
This is why Jesus demands that we must deny ourselves to follow Him, “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Mt 16:25). We must renounce and deny ourselves the right to hold on to these hurtful memories if we are going to be delivered from our hardened hearts.
4. Identify with Jesus in His Suffering
Jesus was made perfect through the suffering that He endured at the hands of others, “For it was fitting that He, for whom and through whom all things exist, in bringing many children to glory, should make the leader in their salvation through suffering” (Heb 2:10). We are brought into glory because Jesus did not harden His heart in all the sufferings that He endured for our sake.
As long as we have not hardened our hearts to the love of God, we can also mature in our character through suffering and experience an invincible hope.
Afflictions produce endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.
(Rom 5:3-5)
To the extent that we share in Jesus’ suffering, we can also be sources of His consolation to other hurting souls: “He comforts us in all our afflictions and thus enables us to comfort those who are in trouble with the same consolation we have received from Him” (2 Cor 1:3-4). We can be agents of divine consolation in our families, the Church, and the world today if only we do not harden our hearts when we experience suffering and pain.
God has a beautiful plan for us in our vocations, whether it is marriage, priesthood, religious life, or the single life. He wants to conform us to Jesus in and through our vocations. He wants to give us the fullness of life as we follow Him in our vocations: “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (Jn 10:10). Only our hardened hearts can thwart this plan of God for us in our commitments.
Yet we face so many things and persons that can easily cause our hearts to become hard and impervious to God’s will, His love, and the needs of others. We may be hurt by others. We may have lost loved ones or been abandoned. We may struggle with addictions or incessant strong temptations. We may even feel so abandoned by God that we harden our hearts towards Him.
No matter what we are going through in life, let us remember the blessing that Jesus offered to those who refused to harden their hearts towards Him: “Blessed are those who take no offense at me” (Mt 11:6). His love for us remains strong and constant.
This strong and constant love is offered to us in each Eucharist. If we keep our hearts open to this love and its healing power, our hearts will not become hardened, and we will surely enjoy the blessings that God offers to us in our vocations.
Glory to Jesus!!! Honor to Mary!!!
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
