Most people are called to the married life, called to raise a family by receiving from God the gift of children. God created Adam and said that it was not good that man should be alone; so, after creating plants and animals, the seas and the sea creatures, God created the woman, Eve. With Eve Adam felt complete—she was the compliment of his being. Both would be instrumental in bringing children into the world: Cain and Abel, and later Seth.
Jesus would praise the life of marriage and family but offer another option, too. He would go on to say that some were born as eunuchs and others made eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom of God. Jesus hides a special gift in these words, a special charism that God would give to certain individuals. This charism or gift is that of celibacy, or stated in other terms, virginity for the sake of the Kingdom of God. Not all are given this gift and many cannot even comprehend it as such.
What is Celibacy?
Celibacy being a special gift by no means undermines the sanctity of marriage and the family. Quite the contrary, it is a specific gift of God for building up the Mystical Body of Christ, His Church. God has given certain men and women this charism in which the good of marriage and family is sacrificed for a sublime gift of becoming spiritual fathers or mothers for the sake of the Kingdom of God. In fact, on the day of Judgment, it is likely that one of the questions Jesus asks will be: “Where are your children?” Where are the children that you engender not only in the physical or biological realm, but those that you were instrumental in engendering in the spiritual realm? It is not by chance that a priest is called “Father” and a Religious sister called “Mother” or “Sister.”
How to See & Live Out Celibacy
We live in a world with so much information always at our fingertips. At the same time, we live in a world immersed in an ocean of confusion. So it is our purpose in this short essay to offer a few ideas to clarify the reality of the gift or charism of celibacy and how it is to be lived out. Many do not understand it; still others do not believe that it can be lived out at all!
1. Understanding the Gift-Charism
As a starting point, celibacy must be understood as a gift or charism, freely given by God Himself. This means that God, who is the essence of love, goodness, and bounty, chooses some individuals to whom He endows this gift. It must be underlined that only some are endowed with this gift or charism.
2. Recognizing the Gift
The next step in the dynamic of the gift or charism of celibacy is the sincere and humble recognition of the gift. In fact, the person may have the gift but simply has never recognized it. Without a life of prayer, without any catechesis, with no religious education, without anyone ever mentioning this as a possibility, the individual most likely will never recognize that he or she has such a gift.
3. Being Aware of Our Cultural Circumstances
The honest reality is that in our paganistic-sensual-hedonistic culture so much is geared toward pursuing and giving into the cravings of one’s lower appetites. In the midst of a dusty, dirty, smog-filled environment, it is hard to look up and gaze at the stars.
4. Accepting the Gift
The next step in the dynamic of living out the celibate lifestyle is recognition followed by acceptance. A classic example of this might be the free call of the rich young man (see Mk 10:17-31). Jesus freely calls the rich young man to follow Him. The response was negative. The reason? The man was too attached to his belongings; his possessions had taken possession of him. The same can be applied to the gift of celibacy. God freely gives this gift, but it can be accepted or rejected. God respects our free will and will not violate it.
5. Responding with Joy
With the acceptance of the gift-charism of celibacy, there ought to be a response of joy. If the gift is not received willingly, humbly, and joyfully, but only begrudgingly and unwillingly, then most likely the gift will not be lived out efficaciously. Let us be joyful receivers of His gifts!
6. Cultivating Celibacy
How true the modern adage: “If you do not use it then you lose it.” Tools not used become rusty. Muscles not exercised either turn flabby or atrophy. Languages not practiced disappear from our memory. The same can be applied to celibacy. It has to be cultivated and trained by using the classical ascetical tools.
There are many, but we will mention only a few—we might even call them the “Big Five!”
a. PRAYER: Jesus told us to become beggars: “Ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Mt 7:7). The gift is freely given. However, it is incumbent upon us to beg for the grace to be faithful and to live it out.
b. PENANCE: The flesh has to be dominated by prayer and penance. Jesus said that some devils can be cast out only by prayer and penance. This is the secret of many of the saints in living out their gift of celibacy.
c. CUSTODY OF THE SENSES: It is incumbent upon us now more than ever to have a strict custody of the senses, and most especially that of the eyes. The saying is so true: “The eyes are the mirror of the soul.” They are the gateway by which sensory reality enters the mind and the inner person.
d. CONFESSION: In case of failure, the key is to get up, bounce back, and be resilient. The power of God’s forgiveness in the sacrament of Confession should never be underestimated.
e. HOLY COMMUNION: The reception of the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus in Holy Communion has infinite value in living out the call to celibacy.
7. Defending the Gift
By “defending the gift,” we mean the following: do not play with fire. One must avoid the near occasion of danger. One must avoid any person, place, thing, or circumstance that could jeopardize virtue—in this case specifically, celibacy. This could mean disciplined use of the internet. It could also be related to social relationships. It could also mean control of eating and drinking habits. Celibacy is indeed the pearl of infinite value, and it must be defended and protected as such.
8. Fortifying it Through Healthy Friendships
Life is worth living to the full. So, to live out the charism of celibacy, it is key that wholesome and enriching friendships are cultivated. Jesus called His disciples “Friends.” True friends can be of enormous value in living out all vocations but especially that of celibacy.
9. Staying Close to the Blessed Virgin Mary
The Perpetual Virgin Mary gave her total person to God when she said, “Behold I am the handmaid of the Lord, be it done to me according to thy word.” Indeed, Mary is the model as Mother, Spouse, but also in the celibate life of Virgin. By knowing, loving, and trusting Mary, an authentic life of celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of God can be lived out freely, joyfully, and completely. May Our Lady help those who have freely chosen to follow the life of celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of God.
Photo provided by the author
