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When man—male and female—abandoned the eternal truth that marriage is a sacred union joining body and soul with divine grace, human civilization began its decline. Marriage and the marital embrace between them, intended as a holy act for bonding and procreation, lost its sacredness. Until Christians embrace the sanctity of the one-flesh union as a free, total, faithful, and fruitful act of life-giving love, our culture will continue to deteriorate. History clearly reflects this truth.
A last-minute decision to get a haircut had me checking into a local chain where I selected “first stylist available” and took a seat to wait my turn. I had barely fired off a few emails when my name was announced, and I met Lisa who showed me to her chair. As we discussed hairstyle options, she asked about my weekend plans. I explained I was delivering the keynote at a young adult retreat. Intrigued, she asked about the topic.
“The beauty of human sexuality and finding authentic love in a confused world.”
Curious, she asked me to elaborate. I continued, “St. John Paul II taught that the search for truth and love begins with questions like: Who am I? What is the meaning of life? Why were we created male and female? How do we find happiness and love that lasts forever? These questions are universal and inescapable because every human desires—and has a right—to know life’s ultimate meaning.”
“Wow, thats quite deep” she said.
Spotting a picture in her station, I asked, “Are those your children?” She had two: Kim, 14, in eighth grade, and Kevin, 7. When she added that her daughter was dating a high-school junior my heart sank. I blurted out, “Don’t you think that she is too young to date? Aren’t you concerned that she is seeing an older boy? It throws up a big red flag in my book.”
Lisa answered that her daughter was mature for her age and in some ways this boy has been good for her. Previously, Kim was at home on her devices all the time, but since he loves nature, she now hikes and even fishes with him. She and her husband had been to his home and met his parents who were very nice.
When I pressed Lisa further on her daughter dating an older boy, her reply should have shocked me, but sadly it has become all too commonplace. “My daughter and I have a very good relationship; we talk about everything. I told her to come to me when she thought that she was ready for sexual activity. When she did approach me with questions, we had a good discussion about contraception and taking precautions,” adding, “I made sure that she was vaccinated with the HPV vaccine when she turned ten, so I feel good about that.”
“Lisa,” I said, “I know that we may be coming from different places on this, but when did we as a culture reduce love to a feeling, and then to sex, without any meaning or purpose?”
She paused, shrugged, and said, “I don’t know. That’s a good question.”
“It’s rooted in what Pope Paul VI called the ‘contraceptive mentality,’” I explained. “In Humanae Vitae (1968), he foresaw how artificial contraception would harm society, especially young people:
Let them consider how easily this course of action could open wide the way for marital infidelity and a general lowering of moral standards. Not much experience is needed to be fully aware of human weakness and to understand that human beings—and especially the young, who are so exposed to temptation—need incentives to keep the moral law, and it is an evil thing to make it easy for them to break that law. Another effect that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection.
“Lisa, we live in a toxic culture that literally screams: Forget about God, the Church, and the Bible. We are sold on the idea that there is no Creator, which means we’re all here by accident, just random atoms hitting atoms. By extension, our lives have no meaning or purpose, and Truth, other than ‘my truth’ or ‘your truth,’ doesn’t exist. But there is something that doesn’t function well in a world without meaning and purpose: the human heart! Kim’s heart was made for more—for authentic love and truth.”
I added, “Our team has a lot of experience talking to young people, but it doesn’t take much experience to know that your daughter is being set up for heartbreak. In addition to the psychological, emotional, and physical confusion and damage that is almost sure to follow is the near inevitable discussion about having an abortion.
“As parents it’s our responsibility to educate our children in the essential values of human life and love. We are faced with a culture that largely reduces human sexuality to emotion or to a simply commonplace activity, like playing tennis or going out for lunch. What’s forgotten is the human heart’s longing for authentic love. This is why sex education, a basic parental duty, must always be carried out under the attentive guidance and knowledge of the parents, whether at home or in educational centers chosen and controlled by them. Parents cannot leave the formation of the precious lives and hearts of our children to schools or the culture.”
I shared Pope John Paul II’s warning from Familiaris Consortio:
This is the reason that the Catholic Church is firmly opposed to todays’ widespread form of imparting sex information in government schools dissociated from moral principles. That would merely be an introduction to the experience of human sexuality reduced to biology, robbing children of their innocence, the loss of serenity and opening the way to vice.
“Lisa, during our presentations we meet young women who share their dreams about their wedding day. Often these dreams go all the way back to childhood; they remember dressing up, imagining their prince charming waiting for them as they walk up the isle to marry the man who would love and cherish them forever. I bet you and Kim have had those dreams too.”
I recalled my own vows: “I, Jack, take you, Jeannie, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer. I will love and honor you all the days of my life.”
“Yet even as beautiful as the vows are,” I explained, “a marriage in the Church is not yet consummated! What we say with our words, our vows, is actually consummated in the marital embrace, when the two become one body. This is the language of our bodies spoken in the truth of authentic love. Each and every time a husband and wife come together, they are renewing their wedding vows.”
My haircut finished, I stood up and referred her to some online resources, including LoveEd, which helps parents have “The Talk” with their kids.
I end with this message for Lisa’s daughter:
“Dear Kim, your life is beginning to open different prospects before you. You will come, hopefully, to realize that no one is ‘ready’ for sexual activity until they grasp the deep meaning of the ‘one-flesh union.’ Hence the question about values; hence the question about the meaning of life, about truth, about good and evil. You are not here by accident; you are a Beloved Child of God. Listen to your heart, and remember the story of love from which you were made—it is your story too! Then, if I may add, go to Jesus, He will lead you further.”
I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. (John 14:6)
Author’s Note: For more Theology of the Body resources, visit The John Paul II Renewal Center for a simple, easy-to-use program called LoveEd. It was created to empower parents to have “The Talk” so that kids get “Love Right.” For more on this article series, read The Contraceptive Mentality: Ground Zero in Spiritual Warfare (Pt 1) and stay tuned for Part 3: The Contraceptive Mentality and the Attack on Human Dignity.
